<\/p>\n
On campus, they saw one another at the same time, looking away, then re-entering each other\u2019s line of sight, feeling held by each other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Jamie had wanted to talk to her. His friends told him she was at Northwestern, too. He told them he was over her, yet he would walk the long way to class in hopes that their paths would cross. By the time sophomore year rolled around, he still hadn\u2019t seen her, he figured she either didn\u2019t really go there or maybe they weren\u2019t meant to see each other again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Now, at three o\u2019clock in the afternoon on the first day of their senior year of college, he saw her again. Jamie was headed south of campus and Sarah was going north. They held their gaze until they were standing right in front of each other, two feet apart, on the sidewalk between the Deering Library with its dramatically arched windows, and ivy that blanketed the aged brick, and the Deering Meadow outlined by amber and yellow leafed trees. Sarah took out her headphones. She put her music on pause, and said, \u201cIt\u2019s been a while.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Her hair was shorter. It ended at her shoulders and she had bangs now that seemed to compliment her natural beauty. It was still brown, like the bark of an oak tree.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah. What, like three years?\u201d Jamie smiled with his lips pressed together tightly as his eyes floated on her\u2019s.<\/span><\/p>\n He wore a forest green polo that emphasized the broadness of his shoulders. He wore polos every day now, hoping to impress his professors and get letters of recommendation from them. His closet looked more like his father\u2019s than a twenty-two-year-old\u2019s.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAre you still majoring in education?\u201d Sarah asked.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n His heart pumped. That was what he wanted to study, and she remembered. He shook his head.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cFinance, now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s a shame. Becoming a teacher was all you talked about. You wanted to be like-like\u2026 oh, what\u2019s his name, our English teacher.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMr. Jensen.\u201d He half smiled as he said his name.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah! He was your idol.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah well,\u201d he shrugged. \u201cThere’s no money in teaching.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n She tilted her head slightly and scrunched her eyebrows together. \u201cSince when did you start caring about money?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSince I grew up. You know what they say,\u201d he said, \u201cif you can\u2019t beat them, join them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n She raised her eyebrows, and her eyes slid to the side, then back to him.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0Jamie tried to deny what he had become, but he was aware of his transformation, fostered by his need for validation from his teachers and father. Sarah was the only one who had encouraged him to pursue his dream of becoming a high school English teacher. If it weren\u2019t for her, he wouldn\u2019t have started out as an education major, and if it weren\u2019t for his father, he would still be an education major. He had threatened to stop paying his tuition. He wanted him to follow in his footsteps. \u201cAll the men in our family were in finance. Don\u2019t question your genetics,\u201d his father had said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAre you still studying art?\u201d he asked, clearing his throat. He didn\u2019t want to talk about himself anymore.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah. I guess some things never change.\u201d She smiled, showing her single dimple on her left cheek.<\/span><\/p>\n He figured she would still be an art major. She would never change her major unless <\/span>she<\/span><\/i> wanted to. She didn\u2019t like being told what to do, which she got from her tough-loving mother, the founder of one of Chicago\u2019s many non-profit feminist organizations. He still had the drawings she drew in the margins of his high school notebook. He kept them in a drawer between his checkbook and calendar. He looked at them just the other night. His favorite was her drawing of penguins sliding around the sheet of paper and flying off an icy cliff at the bottom of the page. It always made him smile. <\/span>Simpler times then.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t still work at that art store on Nina Street, do you?\u201d she asked.<\/span><\/p>\n That was where their relationship changed from classmates to friends. He helped her find special drawing pencils and added his employee discount to her purchase. Months later, when they changed from friends into something they were too timid to label, she used one of those pencils to draw in his notebook.<\/span><\/p>\n He smiled remembering. \u201cNo, I work at my dad\u2019s firm now. Gotta\u2019 wear a suit and everything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cA suit? You haven\u2019t even graduated yet. \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n His smile faded. In a year, he would be wearing that suit every day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAre you ready?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cFor what?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cTo graduate and all that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSurprisingly, yes. I think I\u2019ve learned everything they could teach me.\u201d She quietly laughed to herself. \u201cI\u2019m just counting down the days now. But I moved out of my parents\u2019 house and got my own place.\u201d She tucked her hands in her front jean pockets and glanced at the ground. \u201cMy aunt passed away, and left me her apartment in the city. I\u2019ve been living there for a few months now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWow, that\u2019s nice, I-I mean, not that your aunt died.\u201d His face flushed. \u201cBut that you got her place.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n She laughed at his nervous attempt not to sound unsympathetic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat about you? Do you live around here?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I\u2019ve got a place just down the road with some buddies. Five of us share it. I would say we try to keep it clean, but it really is as messy as you\u2019d probably imagine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou weren\u2019t messy. I\u2019m sure it\u2019s not that bad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou remember my room?\u201d His face flushed.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think she would care to remember her past with him.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I do. Blue walls, gray door with a Nickelback poster taped onto the back. Right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cRight.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n He thought about her and the night she spent in his room more often then he\u2019d care to admit. On his first night in his new place, he had thought about it. It was her first time and he worried that she\u2019d be scared, but of course she wasn\u2019t. He could almost feel her gentle, slow, and savoring touches. He had stared at his white popcorn ceiling trying to fall asleep in his new surroundings. The neon red sign from the bar across the street leaked through his blinds and stained the ceiling like wine soaking into a tablecloth. As he lay there, drifting between the past and the present, he remembered the smell of her perfume, but it was slipping away. He considered buying a bottle of it from the department store, but he knew it wouldn\u2019t be the same. After hours of tossing and turning, as if his body was dough being kneaded, he put his pillow in front of him and hugged it to his chest, fooling himself into believing the silky pillowcase was her bare skin.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s living in the city?\u201d he said.<\/span><\/p>\n She rocked back and forth between her feet like an excited kid. \u201cIt\u2019s loud and overcrowded for sure, but I like it. It\u2019s freeing, I guess, if that makes any sense.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n It made sense to him how it made sense to her. She didn\u2019t like feeling tied down. He was surprised she stayed in college this long. Jamie remembered the time in math class when she told their teacher he could go to hell and she was given detention. He couldn\u2019t remember why she had said it, but he remembered the look on her face, self-reliance and poise. He knew how much she valued her independence. It was the reason they broke up. He didn\u2019t know if that really was the reason, but it was what he told himself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n They never made it to prom. They never even made it out of the neighborhood. They ended things as his car idled in her driveway. She sat in the passenger seat as she told him it wasn\u2019t working out. \u201cWe\u2019re moving too fast,\u201d she had said. \u201cAnd I know you don\u2019t want to slow down.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He thought about asking her why she refused to let him in, but he knew he wasn\u2019t capable of asking such a direct and confrontational question. He didn\u2019t have the strength to do that three years ago. And he didn\u2019t know if he had the strength to do it now. She had said what she needed to say and was out of the car before he could react. He stayed there for a few minutes, but she never looked back.<\/span><\/p>\n She was who she was and he was who he was. They had both changed since high school, everyone does, he could see that, but he couldn\u2019t see how much they had changed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAre-are you seeing anyone?\u201d She said with her voice higher pitched than usual.<\/span><\/p>\n His eyes widened, then he frantically blinked. \u201cNo, no. Are you?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n She shook her head. She looped her headphones cord around her finger, unlooped it, then started again. \u201cI\u2019m, umm.\u201d She sharply inhaled. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, by the way, for how I treated you\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He tried to find her eyes as her glances bounced between him and her headphones cord.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI think I was just scared of-of love. The seriousness of it. You were so good to me and I\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIt was a long time ago, you\u2014\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBut I think about it all the time. About you. And when you told me you loved me, I didn\u2019t say it back, even though I\u2026did.\u201d A tear fell, but she didn\u2019t wipe it away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Jamie replayed the moment in his mind. It was the morning after their night together and he had his hand in her hair and the other on her hip. He wasn\u2019t thinking when he said it. It was the only moment of courage he had ever had and he didn\u2019t even have to think about it. That was the effect she had on him. She stayed still and looked up at the ceiling. After what had seemed like minutes, she said thank you. He laughed and said, \u201cYou\u2019re welcome?\u201d He should have known then that she didn\u2019t want him, but now she was saying she had loved him.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIs that why you broke up with me? You were scared?\u201d He muttered, the words barely making it out of his throat.<\/span><\/p>\n She nodded and now her tears were pouring out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He took a step forward and brushed her watery cheek with his thumb. She looked up at him in surprise. \u201cIt\u2019s okay. We were kids. We didn\u2019t know anything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n She sniffled her nose and wiped her other cheek. \u201cYou did. You knew how to love me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He smiled and they stood there, his hand still on her cheek, looking at each other like they had three years ago.<\/span><\/p>\n Then the bell tower rang and they were suddenly aware of the students passing by them. He let his hand drop to his side. In a dreaded voice, he said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I have to get going. I have class.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n She looked at the ground, then back at him. \u201cYeah, me too.\u201d Her eyes were still red and watery.<\/span><\/p>\n He took a step away and balanced on the side of his worn charcoal gray dress shoe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He began to walk away. He felt dizzy and wobbly, like his legs turned into water. He felt the way he had when he sat in his car in her driveway, like he was in purgatory. He stopped and looked back. She was still standing there, watching him. They smiled at each other. Then she turned and walked away.<\/span><\/p>\n His eyes welted as she disappeared into the crowd. Was that it? After three years of waiting to see her again, he was going to walk away? No. He wasn\u2019t going to give up, not this time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSarah!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" On campus, they saw one another at the same time, looking away, then re-entering each other\u2019s line of sight, feeling held by each other.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[14],"tags":[16],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1055"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1055"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1055\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1651,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1055\/revisions\/1651"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}