{"id":1959,"date":"2026-05-07T09:23:41","date_gmt":"2026-05-07T14:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/?p=1959"},"modified":"2026-05-07T09:43:13","modified_gmt":"2026-05-07T14:43:13","slug":"secrets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/2026\/05\/secrets\/","title":{"rendered":"Secrets"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Secrets don\u2019t always stay secret\u2014especially from my mother. It started after school when she pulled up to where I was talking with friends and honked like a fire truck trying to pass in traffic. Mom no longer lets me catch a ride with Brie or Kaneesha because she thinks they\u2019re a bad influence. She has no idea. I see and hear everything, and I put what I learn to use. If anyone\u2019s the influencer, it\u2019s me, and I\u2019m not talking Instagram.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0My parents don\u2019t know it was me who talked Brie and Kaneesha into piercing their ears in the fifth grade, and I told them how to do it, too, without getting infected. It\u2019s that way with most things. I know the score, and I get shit done. To my parents, though, I\u2019m a loser because I don\u2019t fit their mold.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0It\u2019s my brother Chad, the firstborn son, who makes them proud: handsome all-star athlete, solid B student, Bible quiz champion. My mistake was being born female. He screws up, and somehow it\u2019s my fault, but I don\u2019t complain. That\u2019s my freedom. I bear it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Plus, I can\u2019t help but feel sorry for the big doofus. He doesn\u2019t know he\u2019s hit his peak, and it\u2019s all downhill from here. I even do his English homework for him. That \u201cA\u201d on his Hawthorne paper? That was mine. He wouldn\u2019t know irony if it bit him on the ass.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0So, my mother picks me up, and I have to sit in the front seat with her because the back seat is loaded with boxes of Christian-themed scented candles she sells to anybody who doesn\u2019t see her coming first. You\u2019re supposed to light one in the bathroom to cover your satanic farts, but I don\u2019t know which smells worse. Since Dad got laid off, our house has become a multi-level marketing warehouse, and that extends to the car.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I open the door and slide in, dropping my backpack and tote bag on the floor. She says, \u201cHello, Jess\u201d in her tight-lipped, eternally pissed-off way, and I grunt and settle back, turning my head to look at my friends as we drive away. I catch Brie\u2019s eye, and she gives me a little wave.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0We ride in silence. Thank God, Mom no longer asks me how my day went. It\u2019s been a warmer-than-usual spring, even for Amarillo, and the AC is blowing strong. Eventually, she glances down at the floor in front of my seat and says, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d in her interrogator voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201cWhat,\u201d I say, instantly on alert.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201cThat!\u201d she says, pointing to my bag.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 I look, and I am horrified to see a corner of the condom box peeking out. \u201cWhat?\u201d I ask again, using my toe to nudge the box back into my bag.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t \u2018What\u2019 me, young lady.\u201d (Here it comes). \u201cWhy do you have a box of condoms? Are you having sex? Who are you having sex with? Why do you need a whole box of condoms? How many boys are you screwing?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 First off, it astonishes me that my mother could read the tiny \u201cTrojans\u201d on the corner of the box. She\u2019s an eagle-eyed freak. Second, I\u2019ve learned not to respond when she\u2019s on a roll with her ever-escalating questions. If accusation were a race car, hers could go from zero to sixty in three seconds flat.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I know she wants me to react\u2014to launch a denial so she can humiliate me with her recitation of all the ways I\u2019ve let her and Jesus down. So, I say nothing even when she demands, \u201cWhat do you have to say for yourself?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0She pulls into a gas station, bends down, and snatches my tote bag. \u201cHey!\u201d I say and try to grab it, but she\u2019s too fast. She reaches in, removes the box of Magnum Thins, gets out, and stalks to the nearest trashcan.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Fuming over having my privacy invaded and my property confiscated, I am tempted to tell her why I have a box of condoms in my bag. I decide not to give her the satisfaction. She wouldn\u2019t believe me anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Pulling into our driveway, Mom turns and gives me a steely look. \u201cI will not tell your father about this. It would kill him, absolutely kill him. He does not need to know his daughter\u2019s a godless whore.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I walk into the living room as Chad is leaving\u2014Friday night hot date with his latest groupie, Melissa Hill. He doesn\u2019t see Mom at first. \u201cHey Jess-ter,\u201d he says, \u201cDid you get\u2026,\u201d but I give him a look to shut him up as Mom steps around the corner. Behind her back, he raises his hands in a silent question. I shake my head.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0For the next month, except for school, I am under house arrest, and I never get used to the frankincense-scented hell I have to endure. Despite my limited range, my mother checks my underwear for semen stains like I\u2019m so determined to find a way to get busy in biology.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0May arrives, and it\u2019s the day before Chad\u2019s graduation. The seniors have practiced their pomp and circumstance, and we\u2019ve had an early supper because Chad has a date with Jen, his new squeeze. There will be a party in his honor tomorrow.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0As Chad picks up the car keys to head out, the doorbell rings. Dad answers it, and Mr. Hill is standing there with his daughter, Melissa, who is a mess<\/span>–<\/span><\/i>eyes red, snorting snot. \u201cHello, Bill,\u201d Dad says, a puzzled look on his face. \u201cMelissa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201cFrank,\u201d Mr. Hill says. \u201cWe need to talk.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Mom walks in, drying her hands on a dish towel. \u201cBill, what\u2019s this about?\u201d Chad turns toward the mudroom, hoping to slip out the side door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u201cChad,\u201d Mr. Hill says, spotting my brother\u2019s attempted escape. \u201cDon\u2019t you go anywhere.\u201d Melissa hiccups and starts to sob. I sit in a corner where I can see and hear everything. Brie and Kaneesha will want to know.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Secrets don\u2019t always stay secret\u2014especially from my mother. It started after school when she pulled up to where I was talking with friends<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[30],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1959"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1961,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959\/revisions\/1961"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sagebrushreview.org\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}